


somebody let these idiots get twitter.

by ehhhplou



Series: NYC's Human Disasters [4]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Fist (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Luke Cage (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Gen, Twitter Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehhhplou/pseuds/ehhhplou
Summary: These superpowered bastards now have twitter. The apocalypse is coming, god is dead.I'm in the process of making this into a multimedia fic, so no updates for a lil bit. I should be back in under two weeks.3.05.2020
Series: NYC's Human Disasters [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545892
Comments: 10
Kudos: 234





	1. butts

creepy crawly

@spider

sticky boy man shoots white goop

📍less than 3 feet from u 📅Joined January 2015

18 following 94M followers

  
  


jcj

@jones

i should've worn a fucking mask

📍 NYC  📅Joined October 2012

231 following 2.8M followers

  
  


trigger happy

@thepunisher

1671 and counting, you'll have to guess what of.

📍none of your business 📅Joined November 2016

12 following 2.3M followers

  
  


The Devil of Hell's Kitchen 

@DoubleD

This is a PR stunt to get people to want me locked up less.

📍Hell's Kitchen 📅Joined January 2017

1 following 5M followers

  
  


Power Man

@lukecage

Just trying to make Harlem safer. 

📍Harlem 📅Joined May 2016

197 following 4M followers

  
  


don't call me Mr. Rand

@danielrand

yay I'm alive

📍NYC 📅Joined December 2015

387 following 6.8M followers

  
  


jcj @jones

don’t you just love breaking your own door with an aggressive client 

don’t call me Mr. Rand @danielrand

I just saw Cats and I want to go back to the monastery

jcj @jones

hahaha danny is so whipped for colleen @danielrand

*a picture of Danny holding a box from an expensive bakery and picking out a bouquet of lilies*

|

Power Man @lukecage

How is giving somebody you love a gift without needing an occasion being whipped?

|

don’t call me Mr. Rand @danielrand

^

|

jcj @jones

sounds like something a whipped person would say @clairegirl @angelwing

|

I'll kick your ass @angelwing

You’re right, Danny and Luke are seriously whipped

|

I’m not a free clinic @clairegirl

^^

|

jcj @jones

u can’t question claire, she’s always right

|

I’m not a free clinic @clairegirl

:* 

jcj @jones

malcolm bought the crunchy peanut butter again and i’m going to commit homicide @nypd don’t come over

|

New York Police Department @NYPD

:(

|

creepy crawly @spider

would that be considered HOMIEcide????????,/,/,/????

jcj @jones

can you postmate bourbon?

|

jcj @jones

oh hell yeah you can

|

jcj @jones

hanging out with these spandex wearing losers will get much more fun

jcj @jones

why does DD smell like my ex @doubled

|

The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen @DoubleD

I used Franks stuff in the morning so @thepunisher why do you smell like Jessica’s ex?

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

Is her ex Billy Russo? I use the same shampoo, moisturizer and deodorant that he used to

|

jcj @jones

shit

|

jcj @jones

is my ex billy billy russo the crazy homicidal maniac?

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

i think so

|

jcj @jones

my impeccable detective skills helped solve the mystery of DD smelling like my ex

|

jcj @jones

wait why do you use the same stuff as him?

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

he once stole my stuff when he was staying over and he just,,, ,started using the same shit as me cause he liked it??

|

jcj @jones

well at least you, dd and the homicidal maniac smell really good

|

The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen @DoubleD

Gee thanks

jcj @jones

everybody who says that since i’m not a teetotaller i’m not a recovered alcoholic can suck my dick

jcj @jones

New Jersey - the Garden State, the birthplace of the  **_best_ ** emo band and the only thing that The Man Without Fear fears

jcj @jones

i’ll pay 100 bucks to the person who gives the best idea to shut dp up

|

Hunter @hunnynah

sew his mouth shut

|

X-Men is a sexist name @deadpool

that would only cause a catastrophic rotten tomatoes score

jcj @jones

youtube doesn’t like the vids so we are switching to pornhub 

|

Pornhub ARIA @pornhub

We welcome you with open arms (and legs)

|

jcj @jones

@doubled is the horny one

|

X-Men is a sexist name @deadpool

literally

|

jcj @jones

i will skin you and use it to make a trench coat for @thepunisher

jcj @jones

i'm happy to announce that @spider gave me punch privilege - i'm in an elite club of three

|

jaycee @terrifichoops21

what is a punch privilege?

|

jcj @jones

i can punch him and not get hit back and spidey doesn't hesitate to hit back if u don't have the privilege

creepy crawly @spider

rocketman was an amazing movie and taron egerton slayed the shit out of that role

|

creepy crawly @spider

both the movie and him deserve an oscar and im not ashamed that i like a musical.

creepy crawly @spider

i exposed how much of a mess i am so instead of being ashamed i will embrace it and make my social media more chaotic

creepy crawly @spider

stan twitter is scary

creepy crawly @spider

too many people shoot me i should probably consider getting a bulletproof suit

|

iggy @popped

do you mean shoot AT me?

|

creepy crawly @spider

no i mean shoot me

creepy crawly @spider

u think my regular twitter is wild lmao yall havent seen my private 

creepy crawly @spider

is antoni from queer eye down to get in a poly relationship asking for me im the thirsty hoe

creepy crawly @spider

pee is stored in the balls thats why theyre peenuts

creepy crawly @spider 

toes,.mm,mmm, nice,,,,wri,,g,g,l,y

|

creepy crawly @spider 

shit that was supposed to go on my priv

creepy crawly @spider

tasha is my spider-mom

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

🖤

|

creepy crawly @spider

🖤

creepy crawly @spider

2018 was 20gayteen

2019 was 20biteen

2020 will be 20themty for all the gender non-conforming and/or trans humans

|

creepy crawly @spider

trans rights

|

jcj @jones

trans rights

|

Power Man @lukecage

Trans rights! ✊

|

don't call me Mr. Rand @danielrand

Trans rights!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

trans rights 

|

The Devil of Hell's Kitchen @doubled

Trans rights.

|

X-Men is a sexist name @deadpool

trans rights! uwu

creepy crawly @spider

i wonder how long can i go without sleep

|

jcj @jones

Webs no

|

Power Man @lukecage

Spidey please don't

|

don't call me Mr. Rand @danielrand

Please get some rest

|

The Devil Of Hell's Kitchen @doubled

Webkinz please listen to them

|

creepy crawly @spider

none of yall are my dad or daddy

|

creepy crawly @spider

you aint the boss of me

|

The Devil Of Hell's Kitchen @doubled

The fact that you implied having a 'daddy' is making me uncomfortable.

|

creepy crawly @spider

bitch im pr sure that u had a daddy at some point

|

The Devil Of Hell's Kitchen @doubled

I've known you for a long time and you changed since then. I still see you like that.

|

creepy crawly @spider

hah see oh shit i get why u uncomfortable

creepy crawly @spider

@ pride we bein gay or whuteva

*a picture of Spidey, Frank and The Defenders at NYC pride*

|

ester @rustidesther 

Why did nobody arrest @thepunisher at this very public and very packed event yet?

|

creepy crawly @spider

being a part of a secret society finally paid off

|

im dumb @spideystan

what?

|

creepy crawly @spider

what?

trigger happy @thepunisher

What do I have to do to make people stop taking me for a conservative? do I have to assassinate somebody? 

|

creepy crawly @spider

assassinate me please

|

X-Men is a sexist name

are you okay baby boy?

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

do I have to hurt somebody that isn't you?

creepier crawly @blackwidow

I'd kill for a job as an assassin

|

X-Men is a sexist name @deadpool

I'd kill for a job as a merc

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

I'd kill for a job as a vigilante

|

🅱️ird 🅱️erson @hawkeye

I'd kill for a job as a spy

|

CIA @CIA

I'd [REDACTED] for a job as [REDACTED]

|

The Better Punisher @thekid

I'd run from a weird preacher with Frank Castle for a job as a vigilante

|

creepy crawly @spider

id kill myself for the sweet release of death

|

herbert @jamey618

are you okay Spidey?

|

creepy crawly @spider

do i fucking seem okay HERBERT

trigger happy @thepunisher

it's really fun to know so much about so many conspiracies

|

CIA @CIA

shut the fuck up, Frank. I don't want an Ohio repeat.

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

i'll shut up, but only because you finally responded to something i said

|

CIA @CIA

Oh I'm sorry I don't pick up your calls because whenever you call IT'S 3AM HERE

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

why are you in control of the CIA twitter account?

|

CIA @CIA

Wouldn't you like to know.

|

The Better Punisher @thekid

weatherboy

|

Dobbs @DpDobbs

@muphmurph ITS THE WEIRD SCARY DUDE THAT KILLED THE GUYS AT THE MOTEL AND THE GIRL THAT TRIED TO SCAM US FOR A COKE OMG OMG OMG

|

Murphy @murphmurph

Wait, we got saved by the FRICKING PUNISHER??

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

it would've been easier if you listened to me from the start, but no the ex-special forces mercs with high quality jammers SURELY won't have explosives.

|

The Better Punisher @thekid

you were literally arrested on four counts of murder, it's kinda understandable that they didn't trust you.

|

The President @POTUS

WTF is going on here?

|

CIA @CIA

shit

Power Man @lukecage

Hi, a friendly reminder that I am also a person.

|

don't call me Mr. Rand @danielrand

What happened?

|

Power Man @lukecage

I was trying to buy a pack of cigs and the guy wouldn't sell them to me because "I'm a hero to young people" and I argued with him for so long that people from the app found and cornered me for photos

|

Power Man @lukecage

those cigarettes were for Jess btw

🅱️ird 🅱️erson @hawkeye

my idiot dog just sprained his tail from wagging it too hard

|

better bird person @hawkASS

if you call Lucky an idiot again i will shoot you in the eye and I will make sure the arrow reaches your brain. that dog is the only reason I still hang out with you.

i know everything @rageboy

I sometimes wonder if my acquaintances and employees know about this account.

|

bird berson @hawkeye

caw caw bitch

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

*ominous screeching noise*

|

not dead @phil6412

Actually I'm their boss now, but go off.

|

human stove @avenger

hi bitch.

|

😾 @goose

meow meow motherflerken

|

creepy crawly @spider

you just got vectored hoe 🤡🎈 get ur facepaint on cause ur a freaking clown 

|

live in HILLtop houses @mhill

remember when you got shot in Steve's apartment like an idiot? good times

|

Maria Rambeau @photonrambeau

You look like a damn fool.

|

Whoever you want me to be @mrtalos

Remember Havana? Because I sure don't.

|

Steve Rogers @captnamerica

We know, Fury. 

|

creepy crawly @spider

@captnamerica nobody likes u you stupid ass psa dude. i thought u were cool until i saw them. 

|

creepier crawly 🔪🔪 @blackwidow

@captnamerica @spider It's true Steve. Nobody likes you. The PSA’s destroyed your reputation entirely.

|

🅱️ird 🅱️erson @hawkeye

@capntamerica @spider @blackwidow ^^

|

i know everything @rageboy

@capntamerica @spider @blackwidow @hawkeye ^^

The Devil of Hell's Kitchen @doubled

Even if you kill a killer there will still be the same amount of killers as before. That's why if you're going to be a murderer you might as well become a mass murderer.

trigger happy @thepunisher

Me and @doubled were breaking up a drug deal in a bar yesterday and when he grabbed a beer bottle to use as a makeshift weapon he downed the remaining beer before knocking some poor sob over the head with it. It was roofied.

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

I had to drag his high ass to a safehouse AGAIN. This time he was emotional. He told me his life story

|

X-Men is a sexist name @deadpool

You finally unlocked his tragic backstory! 🙀🙀

|

creepy crawly @spider

welcome to the 'i know dd's tragic history' club we meet on every full moon at 3AM @ THE dennys bring cheesy puffs and a gift for Dottie The Server

|

jcj @jones

make sure the gift is over 50$. she deserves it for putting up with our bullshit. no gift cards, nothing green or yellow (it doesn't go with her décor), she likes white wine and bourbon

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

,,,k???

trigger happy @thepunisher

I met Dottie The Server and if anybody even thinks about hurting her I will attach a metal bucket with a rat inside of it to your stomach and slowly heat it up to make the rat dig through your insides in order to escape the heat. I will make sure the rat is okay and feed your dyi

|

trigger happy @thepunisher

ng body to a Very Angry sewer reptilian who enjoys human meat and provides protection to our friends. Dottie now also falls under his protection, so if the vigilantes don't get to you first you will suffer the pain of being eaten alive in the longest and most painful way.

|

I love bread @justindancer

I don't know who Dottie is, but I want to meet her. Also there is a reptilian under NYC??

creepy crawly @spider

respect working girls cuz they work hard for the money so hard for it honey so you better treat them right

creepy crawly @spider

i am swimming on a pizza floaty and im feeling myself

markk @nicklesnac

I just saw Spidey on a pizza floaty in the East River??? He is holding a glass with a little umbrella?? I''m,,,,,??,?? He has clogs on?? Like live your life boo, but ??,?,?????,

|

creepy crawly @spider

  1. clogs are bomb af 
  2. east river has a few less bodies floating in it than the hudson
  3. what kind of a lava flow is it if you dont put a slice of pineapple and a little umbrella in it



creepy crawly @spider

i have more followers than iron man @tstark suck my webshooter

|

you know who I am. @tstark

I- I- I’m- I’m confused.

|

🅱️ird 🅱️erson @hawkeye

Stark doesn’t understand the level of chaos that street heroes display.

|

you know who I am. @tstark

I’m Iron Man. How can some punk from Queens have more followers than me?

|

creepy crawly @spider

i am a relatable chaotic legend and i have a cute butt

|

you know who I am. @tstark

What does that mean?

|

creepy crawly @spider

that means that i have a *chef’s kiss* ass

|

you know who I am. @tstark

I bet that Cap has a better ass.

|

🅱️ird 🅱️erson @hawkeye

As a middle ground between a street hero and an Avenger I’m gonna say it. Spider-Man has a better ass than Cap, BUT Daredevil has the greatest ass I have ever seen.

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

I second Clint. I witnessed Daredevil’s ass in all of it’s glory and it is The Ass ™.

|

you know who I am. @tstark

When did you see Daredevil’s ass?

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

When we dated for a while

|

The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen @doubled

Hi Natalia. I’ve missed you.

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

I’ve missed you too. You never call, never write.

|

The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen @doubled

You change identities too often. Want to go and catch up?

|

you know who I am @tstark

EXCUSE ME YOU’VE DATED DAREDEVIL!?!??!?!?

|

creepier crawly @blackwidow

Yeah, but I got called away for your evaluation so I had to break it off.

|

The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen @doubled

And then the invasion happened and I found out that she’s THE MOTHERFUCKING BLACK WIDOW. But I still miss her. See you on friday at our spot on 8PM.


	2. god please spare us

The Devil of Hell's Kitchen @DoubleD  
Thanks for the concern, but I like people complimenting my ass. I worked hard to get that ass. Talk about my looks. They are the best part of me.  
|  
creepy crawly @spider  
we love u dd, not only for your looks but also for your dashing personality @jones @lukecage @danielrand @thepunisher @deadpool get ur buns here its complement double d hour feel free to invite other ppl  
|  
jcj @jones  
you have an amazing butt and you shower everybody you care about with the kind of affection others don't notice, but it matters the most. you are also pr smart and a good person to bitch to.  
|  
Luke Cage @lukecage  
You can annoy and confuse people around you, but you are also a great listener who doesn't judge.  
|  
don't call me Mr. Rand @danielrand  
You are an amazing fighter and a selfless person who would do anything if it meant others would be happy.  
|  
#1 Wolverine stan @deadpool  
You are a wonderful torturer and shittalker who helped me become an anti-hero (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧  
|  
pew pew @thepunisher  
you show support to people like me despite key philosophical differences and you are able to balance sharing your views with showing acceptance towards others.  
|  
The Devil of Hell's Kitchen @DoubleD  
I Don't Deal Well With Compliments But I Also Desperately Need Validation And I'm Going To Cry Brb

Matt @mmmurdock  
Just because I can't see it doesn't mean that you can ignore me when I ask for assistance. You are in a hurry, I get that, but when actual workers in stores and stuff do this it's not ok.  
|  
Foggy @fnelson  
Well, it's time to sue somebody.

jcj @jones  
my lawyers are children.  
|  
Luke Cage @lukecage  
What did they do this time?  
|  
jcj @jones  
page is pissed at murdock because he defenestrated a piece of cake they got from a client cause it tasted bad and it landed on her car. murdock escaped to my office across the hall and is sitting in the corner with his laptop.  
|  
jcj @jones  
update: i have a client. matt refuses to go back to his office. i tried to lock him in the bathroom because the weird guy that’s sitting in the corner of the office and staring into the void is bad for business but he has escaped. i'm considering handcuffing him to my toilet.  
|  
Malcolm @juniordetective  
It’s not a bad toilet to be handcuffed to. I sat there for almost 12 hours, but you also brought me a blankie.  
|  
jcj @jones  
update 2: i gave him a blanket and a hot cocoa. he is now peacefully sitting in the bathtub.  
|  
Foggy @fnelson  
Matt is like a kindergartener - he is absolutely annoying, but if he gets a blankie and a cocoa he becomes 76% more bearable. Add a bit of peppermint schnapps to the cocoa and it’ll go up to 84% and get him a brownie from that place three blocks away and he will be Fully Content.  
|  
jcj @jones  
i postmated the things nelson mentioned and now i have a happy lawyer in my bathtub. he just said that “this tub is better than my fucking desk, so i'm staying"  
|  
not a secretary @kapageren  
Tell him that I’m glad. At least I won’t have to clean more cake from my car.  
|  
jcj @jones  
peter just showed up and now i have a teenager pissing off my lawyer who is sitting in my bathtub. i hate these fucking people.

creepy crawly @spider  
i owe tom nook 39017 bells. he has taken my firstborn and he sent enforcers to snip off my big toes. i can become a slave for nook or sell my body to my neighbours 4 bells. moose is observing me and i dont like it. send help ples3eeujdhjdjdhhjj  
|  
#1 Wolverine stan @deadpool  
Nook got Spidey. None of us are safe from his unholy ways. Grab your turnips and RUN.

✿ @blacksky  
@blackwidow The Devil speaks highly of you and from what I heard I am impressed. Seems like he has a type.  
|  
creepier crawly @blackwidow  
It does. Would you like to meet?  
|  
✿ @blacksky  
Definitely. I'll make sure to message you privately.  
|  
The Devil of Hell's Kitchen @doubled  
They will take over the world.  
|  
jcj @jones  
And I'll gladly witness it.  
|  
creepy crawly @spider  
they will be harsh but fair rulers


	3. wedding?

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

@doubled what did one ocean say to the other ocean?

|

Daredevil @doubled

What?

|

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

nothing, it just waved.

|

Daredevil @doubled

I hate you.

|

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

stop being a beach

|

💀💩L @deadpool

You are so punny munchkins (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

* * *

💀💩L @deadpool

Wow, these new shorter names will make the author’s life easier. That lazy bitch. Also, these emojis are very cute Spoods. They make your PG13 image (that you almost flushed to the toilet with the whole social media thing) pop

|

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

at least somebody appreciates art on this good christian site. plus im not pg13 now im gen z/young millennial confirmed and instead of fans giving me cute stuff they get me shrek dvds and ironic meme gifts

* * *

jcj @jones

Spider-Man has manipulated me into playing Minecraft with him. we live in a cute little cabin he built. i have begun building a beet farm. i have a dog named Matthew. he is a good boy and he gets all of my steaks. Danny has joined our server and is busy trying to get diamonds. he doesn’t know that we have two stacks hidden. 

|

not a munk @danielrand

Now I know. You traitors. 

|

Trish @patriciawalker

I clear a meeting so we can go grab lunch and you not only cancel, but you also tell me that it’s because of a client and not a game.

|

jcj @jones

Trish is now playing with us. she is in the process of picking flowers so we can make red concrete.

|

Trish @patriciawalker

Jess tried to make Murdock play with us. She forgot that he’s blind for a minute, until we all started laughing at her. She’s blaming it on a hangover. Jokes on her, I know that she’s not hungover because she was crashing on Malcolm’s couch after breaking another door yesterday. She’s just  _ A Dumbass _ .

* * *

peanut butter ‘n p @peeter

people i shall spare during the socialist revolution:

  * danny rand



thats it. everybody else can suck it

|

Matt @mmmurdock

You wouldn't spar Tony Stark? He's like your idol. And Harry? One of your best friends?

|

peanut butter ‘n p @peeter

i mean he did make some dope scientific discoveries but he is selfish in the use of his genius and his superhero career is like 80% braggadocio thus he shall go down with the likes of jeff bezos

|

peanut butter ‘n p @peeter

mj wouldnt agree to spare harry cause he drinks that obnoxious rich boy water that comes in way too much plastic

|

harryosborn was taken @haarryosborn

why do i hear boss music?

|

f off @emjay

reap what you sow, you Voss drinking motherfucker. i told you to drink tap to waste less plastic and you ignored me so now there will be consequences.

|

Nedward @hackerman

He switched to Evian

|

f off @emjay

fine, spare him. but you're on thin fucking ice osborn

|

harryosborn was taken @haarryosborn

oh thank fuck

|

Gwen ✧*。@capskid

Pete, MJ stop threatening Harry with a socialist revolution. Start threatening his dad.

|

f off @emjay

@nosborn ey osborn me and pete finna start a revolution against you

|

_ Ｂｅｔｔｙ  _ @babybrant

Breaking news: My friends are idiots who publicly threaten prominent figures with a revolution. More news at 10, only on my twitter account.

|

Matt @mmmurdock

At least when somebody accuses them of something they'll have lawyers.

|

Foggy @fnelson

We'll take payment in money. We're so broke. Please donate to our pro bono fund. 

|

not a secretary @kapageren

We just got 30k from somebody who signed their donation "danny devito is hot" so thank you ig??? 

|

a secretary @veckyveck

When I was hired i didn’t expect my job to be stopping a lawyer from throwing things out of the window and waking him up when he falls asleep at his desk, but at least I have a good wage and Mr. Nelson buys me cookies for dealing with Mr. Murdock.

* * *

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

i hear the cries of the earth

|

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

i can see the specters tormenting my loved ones

|

💀💩L @deadpool

What the diddly darning heck farting fuck is going on baby boy?

|

Daredevil @doubled

Ignore him. He hasn’t slept in a week and he took over my coffee machine and made himself a decuple espresso.

|

💀💩L @deadpool

What the fuck does that mean?

|

Daredevil @doubled

Espresso, but times ten. He also drank a lot of energy drinks before

|

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

i feel the ghosts of my horrid past theyre closing in on me

* * *

jcj @jones

so somebody graffitied the elevator in my building. there’s now a large fragment of the communist manifesto written in copperplate on the mirror. at least it’s not one of the federalist papers like the door to the staircase on the third floor.

* * *

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

me: i want functional mentor

deadpool: we have functional mentor at home

functional mentor at home: *a picture of DD laying in a dumpster, in the middle of fighting a stray sphynx cat, while two kittens are laying on his legs and the third one is biting a horn on his helmet*

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Daredevil @doubled

Just fucking @ me next time. You’re banned from my coffee machine for a week.

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spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

publicly humiliating you is worth it and ill just endure the coffee that k makes

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Daredevil @doubled

Wait, I just noticed that you called me your mentor.

|

**_GUNS_ ** @thepunisher

he’s crying on my vest rn

* * *

fite (ง'̀-'́)ง @danielrand

So Colleen is doing her taxes and I'm suddenly very glad that I have an accountant. They are the real ones, doing our awful government mandated math for us. I thought that math ended after high school.

|

soarin' flyin' @angelwing

Danny, you never finished high school.

|

fite (ง'̀-'́)ง @danielrand

Update: I'm getting a diploma so I have an excuse to run away from math by stating that I have endured learning and should now be free from that branch of science.

* * *

peanut butter 'n p @peeter

@emjay im gonna marry u and take ur last name so my initials will be pbj

|

f off @emjay

what if we exchange surnames?

|

peanut butter 'n p @peeter

damn u r so smart. will you topple our government and change it into a socialist monarchy w us as the leaders w me?

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f off @emjay

sure

|

Nedward @hackerman

@mmmurdock @notthefalcon come get yalls kid. he's currently on the phone discussing the logistics of the wedding.

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Wade Wilson @notthefalcon

Can I be his best man? Or MJ's maid of honor? I'll settle for a bridesmaid or a groomsman.

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Matt @mmmurdock

Ask if they want a church wedding.

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Nedward @hackerman

ffs i don't know what the heck was i expecting from u two terrible influences.

|

Nedward @hackerman

he wants the wedding in a church but without the catholic ceremony. like a non church wedding but with the church as a venue.

|

Father Lantom @fatherlantomnyc

I can still officiate. I understand that the urge to have a wedding at a church comes from an attachment to the place and not God and I can simply stick to a more… atheistic ceremony.

|

Gwen ✧*。@capskid

I'll do the decorations. @babybrant You are on photographer duty @haarryosborn You are on catering and @kapageren is on clothing and personal dumpster fire putting out duty. Rest we do together. 

|

Gwen ✧*。@capskid

@lukecage Dibs on your club for the reception.

* * *

Better Punisher @thekid

@thepunisher As much as I love you Frank, you ate my cosmic brownies so now I am morally, legally and spiritually obligated to kill you. I'll miss u tho.

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**_GUNS_ ** @thepunisher

check the gun cabinet

|

Better Punisher @thekid

update: Frank bought six packs of cosmic brownies and a bunch of different Hershey's bars. He will be spared

|

cool beans @beanenthusiast123

Gun cabinet???!??

* * *

spooder  🕸🕷 @spider

ffs ppl really think i cant write normally its just hard to type w one hand and i am always using my other hand to swing eat draw or do science shit so i aint fuckin w full sentences plus im young millennial/gen z i aint got time for that im too busy being depressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im experimenting with how to format this, so give me tips uwu


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